i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
