i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize