Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
