She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Text me some of your sweat
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