yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize