Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
