i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
