Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
