i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
