that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
