I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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