I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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