i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
