You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
