grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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