I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
