I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
