you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Someone shattered a urinal.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
