Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize