the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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