Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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