You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
