whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
