It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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