just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize