p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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