Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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