did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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