Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
