she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
