My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize