Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
