I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
