Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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