fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
not ubering you a puppy
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
