It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
