he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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