I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Shame is for Republicans.
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