I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
