Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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