Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
