She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
