I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
