I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
