my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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