Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
