Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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