He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
