i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
