I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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