You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
