We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The air taste purple.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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