The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
