He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
