I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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