What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
