His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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