Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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