imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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