: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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