Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
