please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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