we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize