Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
