The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
