I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
