This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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