end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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