I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
