It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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