on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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