the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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