One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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