I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
