before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
